Meds and motivation

One of those mornings...bury my head in my pillow and refuse to wake up.  Of course, with three kids that's not an option.  I continue to wonder if maybe my meds make me drowsy in the morning.  If I take them too early in the evening, I am wide awake at 5am!  I'm trying to figure out the perfect time. Experimenting with medication has been an ongoing thing for years.  I've tried almost every antidepressant out there to the point where I believe I became immune to taking them.  I would feel no positive effect.  Unfortunately, with only an antidepressant I would either spiral into greater depression or a small phase of mania.  I've had the same experience with mood stabilizers.  There are many out there that can have me sleeping for two straight days.  I don't want to be in a coma.  When I found Lamictal it was instantly a perfect fit for me.  Matched with a newer drug called Latuda, I feel that I am on a normal level of existence.  I may not be as happy as I would like to be, but I will take semi-normal for now.  There have been many times where I thought that I felt well enough to be off of medication, so I would stop taking them completely.  Big mistake.  No matter how much praying, acupuncture, therapy, or exercise I committed myself to, happiness didn't miraculously appear and I would crash.  I understand that there are times when I have a little cry and then pep talk myself into completing the next activity.  Some days it's a chore to get in the shower and run to the grocery store.  Oftentimes, I've talked myself out of going to the gym or getting together with a friend.  Sadly, when I need a friend the most, they just don't completely understand. Those who are close to me know not to take it personally and will either leave me be for awhile or pursue me to get out of the house until I agree.  Usually when I do get outside my mood will shift for the better.  It's just the thought of doing it. Pushing myself out the door as I write this.  I have a lot of running around to do and I can't put it off any longer.  Here I go.